Such a Precious Darling [aristocrat photo]

Such a Precious Darling [aristocrat photo]

The Zebra and the Stallion [cute picture and funny joke]

There was this zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on a bit so the zoo keeper decided as a treat that she could spend her final years in bliss on a farm. The zebra was so excited, she got out of the horse float to see this huge space with green grass and hill and trees and all these strange animals. She saw a big fat weird looking brown thing and ran up to it all excited:
“Hi! I’m a zebra, what are you?”

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1998 Darwin Award Winner Joke & Funny Laughing Raccoon Picture

photo by AramWilliams

Darwin award is an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing/injuring themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. This year winner was one of the few Darwin Award nominees to survive his award-winning accomplishment…

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Uh, That Tickles!!! – Cute Picture and Hilarious Joke!

Uh, That Tickles!!!  - Cute Picture and Hilarious Joke!

photo by jadedink

A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made “Tickle Me Elmo” dolls. It was Friday and almost quitting time, and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained that she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.
On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut down because one worker couldn’t keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her.
Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls.
The boss could not control his laughter and said,
“Lady, I said to give each doll Two—–Test—–Tickles.”

Cat and Fish – Funny Joke and Picture

Cat and Fish - Funny Joke and Picture

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked:
“Whatcha doing, Tim?”
“My goldfish died,” replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. “And I’ve just buried him.”
The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied: “That’s because he’s inside your cat.”


The Dog and the Fox Joke

The Dog and the Fox Joke

A fox was peacefully walking through the desert, when, all of a sudden, she spots a dog running like crazy. Being a curious animal, the fox stops him and asks:
“Hey dog, what’s the rush? Why are you in such a hurry?”
The dog replies, while desperately looking around:
“Leave me alone now, if I don’t find a tree I’ll piss myself!”

The Amateurish Naturist and the Lice

The Amateurish Naturist and the Lice

An amateurish naturist decides to study the behaviour of lice. He sets the lice on a sheet of paper and tells him:
“Lice, jump!”
And the lice jumps. Then the naturists cuts off the legs of the lice and sets it back on the sheet of paper, ordering:
“Lice, jump!”
The lice doesn’t move. The naturists then writes down in his notebook: “after cutting off the legs, the lice goes deaf.”

Feline Physics Laws – Cat Jokes

Feline Physics Laws - Cat Jokes

Law of Cat Inertia

A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force – such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism

All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics

Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching

A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping

All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Elongation

A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Cat Obstruction

A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.

Law of Cat Acceleration

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

Law of Dinner Table Attendance

Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Law of Rug Configuration

No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance

A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something.

First Law of Energy Conservation

Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

Second Law of Energy Conservation

Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Law of Refrigerator Observation

If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction

Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking

A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy

All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

Law of Cat Embarrassment

A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Milk Consumption

A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

Law of Furniture Replacement

A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing

A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

Law of Fluid Displacement

A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

Law of Cat Disinterest

A cat’s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Pill Rejection

Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition

A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn’t Matter.